30 and Thriving

In 2008 I left NYC after living there for just under a year.  We didn't fit. 

I moved to New York with my head full of notions and plans - hopes to audition and break out as an actor.  I auditioned twice the whole time I was there.  For years I thought I didn't do more because I wasn't brave enough.  Maybe that was even partially true but I think there is more to it than that.  In order to have "made it" in New York I needed to be "all in."  I love acting but it has never been my only love or passion and I was never comfortable being all in.  I had it in my head that in order to be an artist I had to pick one discipline and stick with it.  I also found it difficult to find the balance between doing what I love and doing what I should do.  I am finally living my life integrating that what I should do and what I love are one and the same - and boy does it feel good not to be fighting that inner battle anymore!

Last week I wrote a song (for the first time since I was 8 - I like this one a lot better...), started teaching Nia, rehearsed music with a friend, taught a theater lesson for a child's birthday party,  and had a wildly fun Masquerade themed early birthday party for my 30th.  I am finally giving myself a chance to foster the artist I've always longed to be. I officially turn 30 tomorrow and in some ways I feel almost like a child again - eager, curious and optimistic.  My life is shifting and I can sense opportunity all around me.  It has been an amazing adventure to allow myself to say no to forcing myself to be someone I'm not out of a misguided notion of who I am supposed to be, and say yes to being more and more myself.  It's good to be me!