30 and Thriving

In 2008 I left NYC after living there for just under a year.  We didn't fit. 

I moved to New York with my head full of notions and plans - hopes to audition and break out as an actor.  I auditioned twice the whole time I was there.  For years I thought I didn't do more because I wasn't brave enough.  Maybe that was even partially true but I think there is more to it than that.  In order to have "made it" in New York I needed to be "all in."  I love acting but it has never been my only love or passion and I was never comfortable being all in.  I had it in my head that in order to be an artist I had to pick one discipline and stick with it.  I also found it difficult to find the balance between doing what I love and doing what I should do.  I am finally living my life integrating that what I should do and what I love are one and the same - and boy does it feel good not to be fighting that inner battle anymore!

Last week I wrote a song (for the first time since I was 8 - I like this one a lot better...), started teaching Nia, rehearsed music with a friend, taught a theater lesson for a child's birthday party,  and had a wildly fun Masquerade themed early birthday party for my 30th.  I am finally giving myself a chance to foster the artist I've always longed to be. I officially turn 30 tomorrow and in some ways I feel almost like a child again - eager, curious and optimistic.  My life is shifting and I can sense opportunity all around me.  It has been an amazing adventure to allow myself to say no to forcing myself to be someone I'm not out of a misguided notion of who I am supposed to be, and say yes to being more and more myself.  It's good to be me!

30 Days of 30

Anyone who knows "Mama Schmidt" knows that she is enamored with her birthday.  While most celebrate a birth "day" she celebrates her "birthday month."  March is my birthday month and it's a big one this year so I'm going to celebrate in style. But it's been a tough couple of weeks.  I have a tendency to have conqueror attitude when I have a goal or ambition.  I don't want to achieve the goal, I want to annihilate it.  This mindset often leaves me in one of two places - racing to achieve, or stopped.  When I have a lot on my plate I have a harder time finding middle ground.  Luckily, I have resources.  Luckily, one of those resources is "my girl Sarah."

When I was six years and ten days old I got the best birthday present a girl could ask for - a little sister.  I had two brothers already and when I found out my mom was pregnant I threatened my parents to leave  them for a family with ONLY sisters if they gave me another brother.  I already had a family picked out if the worst happened - but, thankfully, she was a girl.  They wanted to name her Emily Rose but I kept calling her "my sister Sarah" after my favorite character in my favorite book Sarah's Unicorn by Bruce and Katherine Coville.  I was a pretty persuasive child.

So, my girl Sarah, my favorite birthday present of all time, has been the ringleader of birthday cheer for me this year.  Since I'm turning 30 and her birthday is on the 30th she has decided that we'd celebrate 30 days of 30 starting at the beginning of the month and ending on her birthday.  On day one she posted a picture to instagram of photos from a crazy impromptu photo shoot we decided to do last summer.  She's sent me texts wishing me "happy day five,"  "happy day six."  These little reminders have brought glimpses of sunshine on dark days and have reminded me that even though things are tough, this is a time of celebration in my life.  I'm posting one of my favorite 30 days of 30 postings she made for me - it's from day four - a picture of my mom when she was pregnant with me.  Enjoy!