Oscar Night

Watching the Oscars I think about how my dreams in life have changed over the years.  I am reminded of childhood dreams of my own "star" moments as I see the glitz and glamor of interviews on the red carpet.  I feel a rush of empathy anticipating the proud and nervous moments of artists publicly accepting recognition for their work. Sure, I'm still a fan of the glitz and glam (did you read the Moulin Rouge post?) and I enjoy when my work is appreciated, but my idea of what it means to be an artist has expanded so much since my days of childhood fantasy.

At one point I really yearned for the accolades that come with being an "A-lister;" that is no longer the case (not that I'd necessarily turn it down either!).  I find myself happier now that I feel a sense of knowing that I am, in fact, an artist.  I feel more fulfilled than when I viewed artistry as something on a pedestal that I wished to reach but perhaps did not expect I would fully realize.  I am blessed right now to be in an artistically ripe time in my life.  Dancing Nia and beginning to teach classes has opened me up to experience dance in ways I did not previously imagine.  I'm singing more.  Opportunities in theater are popping up again.  I feel like I am finding a home for the artist in me here in Albany.

On Friday I went to see two dance concerts at The Arts Center of the Capital Region, (where I have also recently been asked to do some work teaching theater...more to follow...).  All the pieces were choreographed and performed by local area dancers.  I felt just as inspired watching their artistry as I did tonight watching Charlize Theron grace the stage in Waltz, or Jennifer Hudson destroy (and I mean that in the GOOD way!!!) "And I am Telling You," or the entire cast and crew of Les Miserable sing their medley.  I felt connected to these artists watching them - to their art - and to the artist inside myself.

Perhaps the most inspiring moment for me tonight was the acceptance speech for the documentary short "Inocente."  In brief, the documentary is about an artist's journey from homelessness to living her dream.  I was grateful to be watching because I might have otherwise been unaware of her story and the powerful reminder that it gave me that art has power, dreams have power, and people have the power to touch others with their stories and art and transform lives.

A "Great" Mistake

I wake suddenly and I can feel my heart beat pulsing in my chest.  I can feel the pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse in my whole body.   This is not the familiar old pounding sensation of panic that I remember.  I feel a great energy coursing through me.  Energy, compassion, and strength (not to mention a bit of extra adrenaline).  I wake with words inside me bursting to get out.  I am inclined to acquiesce to their request.

I made a mistake this weekend.  I've been operating under the false assumption that I would be able to attend an open audition tonight for Park Playhouse's July production of Spamalot.  I got the dates wrong.  Choosing to prepare for the audition right now even if I don't have this particular opportunity has been a gift.  I was scrambling a bit to prepare and polish a piece and my friend Eric was kind enough to help me work on it at the last minute (or as it turned out - a little bit after the last minute - c'est la vie!).  I chose a song that I love and I chose ambitiously - going with the opening section of "The Bride's Lament" from "The Drowsey Chaperone."  The song is funny and modern and, frankly, not like anything I've ever worked on but the sort of song I've always wanted to sing - no, not sing - I wanted to nail it.

In order to nail it I needed to let go, relax, and listen.  This may not be a terribly novel discovery, but for me, actually accomplishing these things has always been a major challenge.  In the past, I have stood in my own way.  With prompting and determination I made my racing, judging, thinking mind take a back seat.  I sang like I do when I'm dance because I sang with an awareness of sensation in my whole body which allowed me to explore my voice more deeply, creatively, and expressively.  As a side benefit it seems like it also helps with accuracy - I know - novel! (Sarcasm intended :-D)  I may not get to take advantage of this audition, but the gift of this mistake is that I'm ready.  I've got a fire in my belly and I'm ready to go.  I also nailed it.

One Billion Rising

If you haven't already heard about the movement "One Billion Rising" started by Eve Ensler, the playwright who brought us the "Vagina Monologues," you should definitely check out their website.  I first found out about the organization when I read the interview with Anne Hathaway featured in Glamour magazine.  Besides finding myself thinking "Gosh, I could totally be friends with Anne Hathaway," I felt really compelled by what I read about the "One Billion Rising" movement and it's goal to end violence against women through fundraising and awareness.  And they called me to dance.  I can answer that call.

I knew immediately that I wanted to take part in the day.  There is no place I relish dancing more than at the Center for Nia and Yoga in Albany where I've trained and take classes and as luck would have it two of my favorite teachers planned to host an OBR event there.  Better yet - it was a Dance Jam with live Djembe drumming!  Dance Jams are magical and only come around every two to three months, which probably has something to do with what makes them so special - scarcity makes them a treat.

At a Dance Jam any Nia teacher can "pick up the mic" and teach (I was brave enough to pick up the mic today! The second time I've ever done so at a Jam).  It's a loud and frenetic evening and the best Jams really tap into the group energy and I find the spontaneity and synergy to be both energizing and healing.  It was a good way for me to say "No" to violence against women - and violence in general for that matter.  One of the things I love about Nia is that it has helped me find the voice inside me that needs to say "no."  Feeling "no" on a cellular level has helped me set healthy boundaries in my life.  Conversely, feeling the sensation of "yes" allows me to focus on what I want to invite into my life.  Being able to say both allows me to share the best version of myself with the world around me.

In Nia, I can dance the "no" to things like violence against women.  I can dance the "yes" to growth, healing, love, and awareness.  I can say yes to being a part of change in myself, in my community, and in the world.

Disclaimer: This isn't actually from tonight - it's from the Dance Jam the week of my white belt training and it was my first time picking up the mic.   The good news is - I think we were even more packed in this evening.  It was amazing to see how many women and men (a somewhat rare sighting at the studio) came out to support this cause.

Moulin Rouge

Red stains my lips and silver glittery eye-liner bejewels my eyes.  My muscles hold the excited ache of exertion and pleasure.  Hair, pulled back in a bun, is still damp from dancing - the electric blue wig I wore returned to the friend who lent it to me because it matched my top.

I have danced Nia for a while now, and even trained for my white belt this past fall.  Slowly but surely I continue to train to teach Nia myself.  Tonight was a reminder of why I want to pursue Nia as a life practice.  I am blessed to have found a home for myself at the Center for Nia and Yoga in Albany, NY.  In this building magic is carefully crafted by Casey Bernstein - tonight's class being especially magical for me.

I love the movie and music from "Moulin Rouge" - it was love at first sight - or at least love-at-first-note-sung-by-Ewan-McGregor!  I probably watched it every night of RA duty my junior year in College.  There are many elements of dancing Nia which I am bound to explore through the outlet of this blog, but tonight I want to focus on theatricality and the gift of expression.  I have been theatrical since - well - always.  It took me a while to fully foster this part of my personality and let it shine but the more I foster it the more in touch I feel with myself.  Dancing tonight I felt fully alive and fully me.

There are many Nia routines, each with a unique focus, and what I love most is that I get to explore sensation and different parts of myself in a variety of ways.  Each time I dance I get to know myself better.  Some days I dance and it allows me to go very deep and explore old pain and find healing.  Other days I explore power and precision in my movements.  Tonight I played.  Truly played like I did as a child - costumes, swirling, drama and all.