I wake suddenly and I can feel my heart beat pulsing in my chest. I can feel the pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse in my whole body. This is not the familiar old pounding sensation of panic that I remember. I feel a great energy coursing through me. Energy, compassion, and strength (not to mention a bit of extra adrenaline). I wake with words inside me bursting to get out. I am inclined to acquiesce to their request.
I made a mistake this weekend. I've been operating under the false assumption that I would be able to attend an open audition tonight for Park Playhouse's July production of Spamalot. I got the dates wrong. Choosing to prepare for the audition right now even if I don't have this particular opportunity has been a gift. I was scrambling a bit to prepare and polish a piece and my friend Eric was kind enough to help me work on it at the last minute (or as it turned out - a little bit after the last minute - c'est la vie!). I chose a song that I love and I chose ambitiously - going with the opening section of "The Bride's Lament" from "The Drowsey Chaperone." The song is funny and modern and, frankly, not like anything I've ever worked on but the sort of song I've always wanted to sing - no, not sing - I wanted to nail it.
In order to nail it I needed to let go, relax, and listen. This may not be a terribly novel discovery, but for me, actually accomplishing these things has always been a major challenge. In the past, I have stood in my own way. With prompting and determination I made my racing, judging, thinking mind take a back seat. I sang like I do when I'm dance because I sang with an awareness of sensation in my whole body which allowed me to explore my voice more deeply, creatively, and expressively. As a side benefit it seems like it also helps with accuracy - I know - novel! (Sarcasm intended :-D) I may not get to take advantage of this audition, but the gift of this mistake is that I'm ready. I've got a fire in my belly and I'm ready to go. I also nailed it.
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